Quick heart check, fellow American Christians. I just did a search for some inspiration as I wrap up a recap video for my church, and at the front end of the first video I found, I heard the phrase "I am head over heels in love with my church." It is a good thing to love the Church - Jesus loves the Church and we are even commanded as men to love our wives "as Christ loves the Church," so that must be pretty powerful. Now, I don't really need to mention names but I have seen a lot of things with this "I love my church" phrase on them - t-shirts, mugs, logos, and the list goes on. I assume these churches want people to come to their services and meet Jesus, which is a good thing.
Here's the rub. Do you (do I) love your (my) local church more than you (I) love Jesus? Have we placed our respective churches above God in priority? Do our churches feel more like social clubs or entertainment venues than the hands and feet of Jesus? It's easy to do; when the reason for what you do becomes assumed, it's not so far away from becoming forgotten or ignored. Programs, the excitement of serving as a community and seeing God work in our communities are all good things, but when it becomes primary to God, Himself, there is a problem. I don't know the heart of the person who made the statement in the video, the church's doctrine, or what happens there on a weekly basis so I am not claiming this person has his priorities messed up - the video was simply a catalyst.
So, please consider the question. If you aren't sure of the answer, or the answer is "yes" I am sure you are not alone because there are many days when, if I am honest with myself, have to answer "yes" to the question. It is at that moment that I have the opportunity to repent, and God (whose love is unconditional and eternal) picks me up, forgives me, cleans me off, and I start to follow Him with the right perspective again.
I will close with this, and I am in the same boat, folks - bringing people to church is not the only way to share the Gospel. It starts with loving people the way God loves you (and them). In fact, believe it or not, some people share their faith when they are in places nowhere near a church (okay, that was a bit sarcastic - I apologize). My point is that we can't be a one-trick pony by relying solely on our pastors to do the work when it comes to sharing the Gospel, and we (myself most certainly included) need to constantly make sure our priorities are right and true.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
All of This
Life feels out of control most of the time - at least to me. I try to find ways to fool myself into believing I am in control of at least most of it, but that only lasts for a while. Sometimes I try to ignore the fact that I really am not in control of my life (not to be confused with my behavior, actions, thoughts or feelings), but that does not last long at all.
No matter what, I always come back to the truth that a loving Heavenly Father who is waiting for me to come rest in His arms and let Him be in complete control.
In the hustle and bustle of American culture, rest is both undervalued (at times even scorned as laziness) and in great lack. I must admit, I have made myself a victim of this American restlessness. While I can focus on the same three seconds of video for hours at a time, I don't like not having something to do. I get antsy; start to feel lazy and bored; look for something to do - even if I've done the same thing (a favorite is mindlessly looking at my phone) ten times in 30 seconds. I have always thought of this as a result of a strong work ethic and a drive to be successful, productive and an effective contributor to society. And the heart of the issue is that all too often, I tie my worth as a human being to all of those things.
What I have learned is that while a good, strong work ethic is important - restlessness is not a symptom. It is actually a symptom of my desire to control my life, my world and my experiences. I feel like I need to make things happen, or they'll never happen. The earth will stop spinning and lives will be ruined.
What God has reminded me in His still small voice tonight is that I have never been and will never be in control. I am His child and He's paid all the bills, put all the laundry where it belongs, edited all of the videos, written and sung all the songs, posted all the blogs, and loved all of my friends and family perfectly before I had a chance to second-guess myself for the very first time.
There is a line in a song by a band I admire and enjoy that says
"I have a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to remember, and a hard time forgetting all the things I'm supposed to forget."
Too many times, I've been that man. Remembering and forgetting in reverse order. Tonight, God reminded me in a whisper that He is in control and I can rest in the finished work of the Cross and the fact that He will always help me remember.
No matter what, I always come back to the truth that a loving Heavenly Father who is waiting for me to come rest in His arms and let Him be in complete control.
In the hustle and bustle of American culture, rest is both undervalued (at times even scorned as laziness) and in great lack. I must admit, I have made myself a victim of this American restlessness. While I can focus on the same three seconds of video for hours at a time, I don't like not having something to do. I get antsy; start to feel lazy and bored; look for something to do - even if I've done the same thing (a favorite is mindlessly looking at my phone) ten times in 30 seconds. I have always thought of this as a result of a strong work ethic and a drive to be successful, productive and an effective contributor to society. And the heart of the issue is that all too often, I tie my worth as a human being to all of those things.
What I have learned is that while a good, strong work ethic is important - restlessness is not a symptom. It is actually a symptom of my desire to control my life, my world and my experiences. I feel like I need to make things happen, or they'll never happen. The earth will stop spinning and lives will be ruined.
What God has reminded me in His still small voice tonight is that I have never been and will never be in control. I am His child and He's paid all the bills, put all the laundry where it belongs, edited all of the videos, written and sung all the songs, posted all the blogs, and loved all of my friends and family perfectly before I had a chance to second-guess myself for the very first time.
There is a line in a song by a band I admire and enjoy that says
"I have a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to remember, and a hard time forgetting all the things I'm supposed to forget."
Too many times, I've been that man. Remembering and forgetting in reverse order. Tonight, God reminded me in a whisper that He is in control and I can rest in the finished work of the Cross and the fact that He will always help me remember.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Simple
Yesterday morning at staff meeting, we were praying over requests that had been submitted last Sunday during the weekend services. Every Tuesday, the requests are divided among each staff member, and we take turns praying aloud for each and every request. It is a refreshing experience to start a meeting with a time of worship and prayer. It forces me to focus on what is truly important and to surrender all of the complications I usually end up creating from the often simple things and situations in my life.
It is especially humbling to pray for other people and hear others pray with a depth of sincerity that is sometimes difficult to grasp. I have realized over the past couple of months just how simple my life and my "problems" are - in large part because of these staff meetings and the examples of humility and care I see from the people there.
It is quite the jarring experience to suddenly realize that the inconvenience of having to wait in line that morning at Starbucks an extra five minutes is not the mountain I created it to be when I pray for people with debilitating and life-threatening diseases and illnesses; or for those who are lost and wandering aimlessly for a guide, a light, a beacon of hope.
And then there are the reminders of tough lessons learned, friends and loved ones lost, and scar tissue revealed in the light of the needs of others that seem to echo through my life. As I prayed aloud for someone who has leukemia, in my thoughts I was suddenly sitting in the driver's seat of Engine 1 next to Jason Jackson, pulling out of the station to respond to a fire. I could hear his words and my reply as he talked about being in remission from leukemia and finally being allowed to run fire calls again. I recalled standing next to him in a field filled with smoke so thick, you couldn't breathe from 54 round hay bales on fire, much less see the hay, and sticking it out with him until the smoke cleared and the field was transformed into a shallow pond. I recalled being in the ER a few months later after transporting a patient and learning that Jason was back in the hospital - several floors above where I stood. And I recalled driving Engine 1 one more time for Jason - this time as a part of his funeral procession. It is unfortunate that I could tell more stories than I'd like to count like the one about Jason, and I am sure every person reading this has just as many and some who have more.
In all this I realize the simple thing I have overcomplicated most in my life is love. How to love people the way Christ did on earth and does to this very second. How he loved Jason Jackson. How he loved and loves me. How he loves you. Simply and completely.
It is especially humbling to pray for other people and hear others pray with a depth of sincerity that is sometimes difficult to grasp. I have realized over the past couple of months just how simple my life and my "problems" are - in large part because of these staff meetings and the examples of humility and care I see from the people there.
It is quite the jarring experience to suddenly realize that the inconvenience of having to wait in line that morning at Starbucks an extra five minutes is not the mountain I created it to be when I pray for people with debilitating and life-threatening diseases and illnesses; or for those who are lost and wandering aimlessly for a guide, a light, a beacon of hope.
And then there are the reminders of tough lessons learned, friends and loved ones lost, and scar tissue revealed in the light of the needs of others that seem to echo through my life. As I prayed aloud for someone who has leukemia, in my thoughts I was suddenly sitting in the driver's seat of Engine 1 next to Jason Jackson, pulling out of the station to respond to a fire. I could hear his words and my reply as he talked about being in remission from leukemia and finally being allowed to run fire calls again. I recalled standing next to him in a field filled with smoke so thick, you couldn't breathe from 54 round hay bales on fire, much less see the hay, and sticking it out with him until the smoke cleared and the field was transformed into a shallow pond. I recalled being in the ER a few months later after transporting a patient and learning that Jason was back in the hospital - several floors above where I stood. And I recalled driving Engine 1 one more time for Jason - this time as a part of his funeral procession. It is unfortunate that I could tell more stories than I'd like to count like the one about Jason, and I am sure every person reading this has just as many and some who have more.
In all this I realize the simple thing I have overcomplicated most in my life is love. How to love people the way Christ did on earth and does to this very second. How he loved Jason Jackson. How he loved and loves me. How he loves you. Simply and completely.
Scott Lane (black helmet), Jason (yellow helmet) and myself
Jason (on right) and me
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Rebooting (Almost) Everything
Over the past few months, I have been focusing on improving my physical and spiritual health, time management, schedule, leadership and creativity.
It is going to take time and will not all be easy, but I have begun to use tools (some I've had collecting digital and actual dust for months and even years), and I am beginning to notice small differences.
I thought it might be helpful to some folks if I share what I am learning and some resources and practices I have begun utilizing and implementing.
Spiritual Health:
I have begun to actually force myself to spend dedicated blocks of time (sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening and sometimes both) to read, study and pray. In addition, I started to actually think about the things I tell people I will pray for and about, and do it. It seems pretty simple, but sometimes it's the simple things that get overlooked or neglected. Right now, I am reading through 1 and 2 Samuel and a 30-day devotional through the books of John and Acts on my YouVersion bible app.
I have also been meeting with leaders in my church on a fairly regular basis, and I do my best to request and seriously consider feedback about the work I am doing, my leadership skills and shortcomings, and anything else that might be applicable to how my attitude, behavior and communication impacts others.
My viewpoint of my actions and methods has also been shifting from support to leadership over the last 18 months or so, and I am being given new opportunities to put that into practice again.
Physical Health:
About 60 days ago, my wife and I agreed to make a 90-day foray into the world of gluten-free foods. To be completely honest, I was not a huge fan of this (right now, gluten-free has a fad stigma and I don't seem to have any health issues related to gluten intolerance), but it has not been that difficult and my wife and I have seen some pretty encouraging results. I don't know the total of weight lost (it is somewhere around 20 pounds) because I don't like to pay attention to numbers, but I can wear shirts I had outgrown and my pants are becoming clownish. My wife has experienced improved health that might have been related to gluten-intolerance and she is disappearing before my very eyes.
The thing I have neglected is regular exercise, which is one of the long-term and permanent adjustments I will make to my lifestyle. It is easy to get distracted by work, planning, preparing and Candy Crush Saga, but I know I can make the change.
Time Management/Schedule/Leadership/Creativity:
I have gathered several books and am in the midst of reading two of them simultaneously. I finished Manage Your Day to Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind (longest title ever, maybe), which is filled with short and to the point nuggets of wisdom and advice from some of today's most creative and successful people.
I am in the middle of reading Making Ideas Happen and Spiritual Leadership: Moving People on to God's Agenda, which will most likely take the longest to complete but I have it on good authority that it is worth the time and effort.
I have also started to create lists, goals and a daily schedule using Evernote on my iMac and phone. I haven't begun to scratch the surface of what Evernote can do and it is already revolutionizing the way I organize, update and access information.
For file-sharing and cloud storage I have used Dropbox for a couple of years and just recently began using Copy. Both of these apps make storing and sending drafts and finals to clients quite easy and allows for collaboration and group viewing/feedback much more expediently than mailing files on physical data like DVDs, CDs and even thumb drives.
The other practices I have implemented are the avoidance of social media (as much as possible) during working hours and the cessation of using my phone to read and compose email. I have also done my best to put my phone out of arms' reach and to leave it in my pocket when spending time with my wife and/or friends.
I also have a bookmark folder full of creative resources specific to what I do that I can refer to whenever I need a jumpstart of inspiration, applicable knowledge, or professional development.
For those who may be interested, here is a list of some of those websites (specific to video/animation for the most part, but some are for creative practices, generally):
videocopilot.net
aetutsplus.com
churchmediadesign.tv
creationswap.com
99u.com
Behance.net
brainpickings.org
thenounproject.com
sundaymag.tv
creativebloq.com
37signals.com
sxc.hu
churchm.ag
motionscript.com
motionographer.com
vimeo.com
creativelive.com
aescripts.com
lynda.com
fontsquirrel.com
dafont.com
It is going to take time and will not all be easy, but I have begun to use tools (some I've had collecting digital and actual dust for months and even years), and I am beginning to notice small differences.
I thought it might be helpful to some folks if I share what I am learning and some resources and practices I have begun utilizing and implementing.
Before I begin, I should admit that I am, at heart, a procrastinator and a perfectionist. My procrastination has withered significantly, but it still tugs on me from time to time. It's last known manifestation in all it's fury took place during my last week of college. . . My perfectionism is still pretty much alive and well, but I am doing my best to learn when to listen to it and when to pull the proverbial trigger and call a project "finished" or at least draft-worthy.
Spiritual Health:
I have begun to actually force myself to spend dedicated blocks of time (sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening and sometimes both) to read, study and pray. In addition, I started to actually think about the things I tell people I will pray for and about, and do it. It seems pretty simple, but sometimes it's the simple things that get overlooked or neglected. Right now, I am reading through 1 and 2 Samuel and a 30-day devotional through the books of John and Acts on my YouVersion bible app.
I have also been meeting with leaders in my church on a fairly regular basis, and I do my best to request and seriously consider feedback about the work I am doing, my leadership skills and shortcomings, and anything else that might be applicable to how my attitude, behavior and communication impacts others.
My viewpoint of my actions and methods has also been shifting from support to leadership over the last 18 months or so, and I am being given new opportunities to put that into practice again.
Physical Health:
About 60 days ago, my wife and I agreed to make a 90-day foray into the world of gluten-free foods. To be completely honest, I was not a huge fan of this (right now, gluten-free has a fad stigma and I don't seem to have any health issues related to gluten intolerance), but it has not been that difficult and my wife and I have seen some pretty encouraging results. I don't know the total of weight lost (it is somewhere around 20 pounds) because I don't like to pay attention to numbers, but I can wear shirts I had outgrown and my pants are becoming clownish. My wife has experienced improved health that might have been related to gluten-intolerance and she is disappearing before my very eyes.
The thing I have neglected is regular exercise, which is one of the long-term and permanent adjustments I will make to my lifestyle. It is easy to get distracted by work, planning, preparing and Candy Crush Saga, but I know I can make the change.
Time Management/Schedule/Leadership/Creativity:
I have gathered several books and am in the midst of reading two of them simultaneously. I finished Manage Your Day to Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus & Sharpen Your Creative Mind (longest title ever, maybe), which is filled with short and to the point nuggets of wisdom and advice from some of today's most creative and successful people.
I am in the middle of reading Making Ideas Happen and Spiritual Leadership: Moving People on to God's Agenda, which will most likely take the longest to complete but I have it on good authority that it is worth the time and effort.
I have also started to create lists, goals and a daily schedule using Evernote on my iMac and phone. I haven't begun to scratch the surface of what Evernote can do and it is already revolutionizing the way I organize, update and access information.
For file-sharing and cloud storage I have used Dropbox for a couple of years and just recently began using Copy. Both of these apps make storing and sending drafts and finals to clients quite easy and allows for collaboration and group viewing/feedback much more expediently than mailing files on physical data like DVDs, CDs and even thumb drives.
The other practices I have implemented are the avoidance of social media (as much as possible) during working hours and the cessation of using my phone to read and compose email. I have also done my best to put my phone out of arms' reach and to leave it in my pocket when spending time with my wife and/or friends.
I also have a bookmark folder full of creative resources specific to what I do that I can refer to whenever I need a jumpstart of inspiration, applicable knowledge, or professional development.
For those who may be interested, here is a list of some of those websites (specific to video/animation for the most part, but some are for creative practices, generally):
videocopilot.net
aetutsplus.com
churchmediadesign.tv
creationswap.com
99u.com
Behance.net
brainpickings.org
thenounproject.com
sundaymag.tv
creativebloq.com
37signals.com
sxc.hu
churchm.ag
motionscript.com
motionographer.com
vimeo.com
creativelive.com
aescripts.com
lynda.com
fontsquirrel.com
dafont.com
What resources and practices have you found helpful?
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Striking an Odd Balance
Over the past week, I have been reading an excellent book a friend lent me about the process, reasoning and practices of a "New Media" designer. The book was written by a man named Hillman Curtis in 2002, and the beauty is that despite the huge leaps in technology since that time, the book is full of information that has not fallen victim to "planned obsolesence." I am still reading, but one thing I have taken away is the important role inspiration plays in the creative process. I have been seeking out inspiration everywhere I look, in everything I hear, and everywhere I go.
It is a beautiful experience, seeking inspiration.
In intervals (usually during renders or after staring at the same frame for an hour with no new ideas), I (with aspiration in my heart) view other works by talented and skilled video producers, graphic designers and motion designers... I read articles, research the old, new and up-and-coming of my field's trends and movements; I pray and wonder at how God, the Artist, created me and this impulse to participate in His work.
Then I get in the car and listen to the news and I am reminded of the fallen world we live in. Yes, I have become one of those I swore never to become. I never understood talk radio (radio is for music, right?), but right now my limited and sporadic drive time is the only opportunity I have to get some current events in (it just occurred to me how many of my friends long for limited and sporadic drive times). So, while listening to the news, I am faced with a high dose of reality, and reality does not seem so inspirational - at least not for creative purposes.
It is an odd balance - living in the midst of creativity and reality, and as hard as I try to separate the two, they, in this world, are interdependent. The two seem to have a symbiotic relationship.
I heard a story yesterday afternoon about a woman who was inspired to write a song after hearing a Gold Star father on a talk radio show discuss his son, who was killed in combat attempting to rescue his fellow soldier. As I listened to an interview with one of the songwriters and the father, it struck me that this is one of the most important uses of creativity; turning tragedy into hope, comfort, empathy and love.
It's been said that all of the best music comes from pain, and there is a truth to that. I'd like to believe the best art (music included) comes as a reaction to intensity of all sorts - emotional, experiential, spiritual. I suppose that means the news I hear as I drive around is inspirational, too - just as it was for the woman who wrote the song. I just have to hear it with different ears.
I researched Hillman Curtis after reading through the first section of his book because I wanted to know what he has been doing recently. I learned that last year, he died of colon cancer. The amazing thing is that after finding this out, the book had so much more to offer. I can't really explain why, but take my word for it.
What does all this mean? I don't know - but in the ebb and flow of urgency, my life is getting caught up in a pretty strong current right now.
It is a beautiful experience, seeking inspiration.
In intervals (usually during renders or after staring at the same frame for an hour with no new ideas), I (with aspiration in my heart) view other works by talented and skilled video producers, graphic designers and motion designers... I read articles, research the old, new and up-and-coming of my field's trends and movements; I pray and wonder at how God, the Artist, created me and this impulse to participate in His work.
Then I get in the car and listen to the news and I am reminded of the fallen world we live in. Yes, I have become one of those I swore never to become. I never understood talk radio (radio is for music, right?), but right now my limited and sporadic drive time is the only opportunity I have to get some current events in (it just occurred to me how many of my friends long for limited and sporadic drive times). So, while listening to the news, I am faced with a high dose of reality, and reality does not seem so inspirational - at least not for creative purposes.
It is an odd balance - living in the midst of creativity and reality, and as hard as I try to separate the two, they, in this world, are interdependent. The two seem to have a symbiotic relationship.
I heard a story yesterday afternoon about a woman who was inspired to write a song after hearing a Gold Star father on a talk radio show discuss his son, who was killed in combat attempting to rescue his fellow soldier. As I listened to an interview with one of the songwriters and the father, it struck me that this is one of the most important uses of creativity; turning tragedy into hope, comfort, empathy and love.
It's been said that all of the best music comes from pain, and there is a truth to that. I'd like to believe the best art (music included) comes as a reaction to intensity of all sorts - emotional, experiential, spiritual. I suppose that means the news I hear as I drive around is inspirational, too - just as it was for the woman who wrote the song. I just have to hear it with different ears.
I researched Hillman Curtis after reading through the first section of his book because I wanted to know what he has been doing recently. I learned that last year, he died of colon cancer. The amazing thing is that after finding this out, the book had so much more to offer. I can't really explain why, but take my word for it.
What does all this mean? I don't know - but in the ebb and flow of urgency, my life is getting caught up in a pretty strong current right now.
Monday, September 24, 2012
What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?
This afternoon I was discussing a passage of scripture with my wife, and how it may relate to our current living/ministry/employment situation. While listening to her read, I had a realization that something in my thought process about what God has planned for me (and anyone else who calls Him "Father") has been skewed.
There is a message I have heard preached, promoted and studied over the last few years that until recently I wasn't sure how I felt about (other than the fact that it hasn't ever sounded right). The basis of the message is this:
1. God loves you.
2. God wants to do great things in and through you.
3. You have to "do your part" and work hard for this to happen, or else you will fail God and will not achieve your "God [given] potential" or the "greatness" He has in store for you.
It is not a complicated solution. God does want to bless His children and use us for His good. We were created to worship Him, and we have been commissioned to spread the message of His love and salvation to the ends of the Earth.
Here's the first thing about why the above message is flawed; the entirety of our God-given potential must fit within the context of the Great Commission, and it must be an act of worship. The second is that God's definition of "greatness" does not match our (often American dream-flavored "you can do anything if you can imagine it") definition. The third is that God's love is unconditional, meaning there are no strings attached.
God has given us free will and He has given us grace, both of which play integral parts in our lives as believers. We are able to choose whether or not to believe He loves us, sent His son to die and be resurrected as a sacrifice for our sins and to reconcile us to Him, and whether we want to follow Him or live our own lives apart from His influence. In fact, we are free to deny His existence altogether. That is free will.
Grace is most commonly defined as "unmerited [undeserved, unearned] favor." This means that there is nothing we can do as God's children to either increase or decrease His love for us, or His desire to bless and provide for us. This means that no matter how much we serve, how much we go to church, how much we sing, dance, write, preach, share, sin, repent, etc. we cannot change God's love for us. He gives it unconditionally, and since He promises to forgive the sins of those He calls sons and daughters, those can't be held against us, either.
Now, don't hear me say grace is a "get out of jail free card" (see Romans 6:1-4), either.
So, here is the thing. Over the past few weeks, I have been beating myself up about not doing enough to please God. I secretly think to myself "I am a pretty big disappointment to God right now. I'm not reading enough, praying enough or serving enough, and I keep sinning. I have to be sure to do more of those good things tomorrow and less sinning. Then God will be happy with me again and He will start blessing me again."
That is not how it works. So for all of those who have struggled with living up to a standard no human can achieve under his or her own effort, remember this verse:
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
There is a message I have heard preached, promoted and studied over the last few years that until recently I wasn't sure how I felt about (other than the fact that it hasn't ever sounded right). The basis of the message is this:
1. God loves you.
2. God wants to do great things in and through you.
3. You have to "do your part" and work hard for this to happen, or else you will fail God and will not achieve your "God [given] potential" or the "greatness" He has in store for you.
It is not a complicated solution. God does want to bless His children and use us for His good. We were created to worship Him, and we have been commissioned to spread the message of His love and salvation to the ends of the Earth.
Here's the first thing about why the above message is flawed; the entirety of our God-given potential must fit within the context of the Great Commission, and it must be an act of worship. The second is that God's definition of "greatness" does not match our (often American dream-flavored "you can do anything if you can imagine it") definition. The third is that God's love is unconditional, meaning there are no strings attached.
God has given us free will and He has given us grace, both of which play integral parts in our lives as believers. We are able to choose whether or not to believe He loves us, sent His son to die and be resurrected as a sacrifice for our sins and to reconcile us to Him, and whether we want to follow Him or live our own lives apart from His influence. In fact, we are free to deny His existence altogether. That is free will.
Grace is most commonly defined as "unmerited [undeserved, unearned] favor." This means that there is nothing we can do as God's children to either increase or decrease His love for us, or His desire to bless and provide for us. This means that no matter how much we serve, how much we go to church, how much we sing, dance, write, preach, share, sin, repent, etc. we cannot change God's love for us. He gives it unconditionally, and since He promises to forgive the sins of those He calls sons and daughters, those can't be held against us, either.
Now, don't hear me say grace is a "get out of jail free card" (see Romans 6:1-4), either.
So, here is the thing. Over the past few weeks, I have been beating myself up about not doing enough to please God. I secretly think to myself "I am a pretty big disappointment to God right now. I'm not reading enough, praying enough or serving enough, and I keep sinning. I have to be sure to do more of those good things tomorrow and less sinning. Then God will be happy with me again and He will start blessing me again."
That is not how it works. So for all of those who have struggled with living up to a standard no human can achieve under his or her own effort, remember this verse:
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My "Almost" Last Day
If you have read some of my previous posts, you know that in what feels like another life, I was a firefighter. I have a love/hate relationship with that part of my past; a lot of good came from that time, and a lot of pain came from that time.
Sometimes the most mundane acts can trigger a memory, and suddenly I am right back in the midst of my past. It used to paralyze me; I would lock up for about five minutes or so, not really engaging in what I had been doing at the time the memory hit. Fortunately, that has subsided, and I have been able to take valuable lessons out of what I have experienced when I remember those things.
I share this story because it is full of lessons for me, and I hope it contains a lesson or two* for you. As for what those are, I might save that for another post and let you think about it for a while.
___________________________________________________
Last night (8.21.12) as I was walking through a parking lot it was the warm night air that sent me back to a sunny day several years ago that, without wanting to sound dramatic, was almost the last day I was alive.
Occasionally, the fire department assisted the forestry department with "controlled burns," which took place when land needed to be cleared without hauling loads and loads of timber away. Instead of hoses, we carried drip torches and shovels, and large bulldozers would create fire breaks and clearings to prevent the fire from spreading beyond the intended area.
One day, I joined a few other firefighters and a couple of forestry guys to burn trees that were in piles about 100'x100' and between 25' and 40' tall on about ten or 12 acres of land. This was the largest controlled burn I had been involved with. I don't recall the temperature, but it was hot and the sun was shining. We normally wore jeans, boots and t-shirts to stay as protected, but as cool as we could.
After we lit the piles, we watched to make sure they were burning evenly and fully. Fire sometimes creates it's own weather, and I watched as "tornados" of flame shot up and twirled around in the air, the wind picked up and frequently changed direction, and the sunlight became dull under a thickening blanket of white smoke. I pulled my shirt over my nose every couple of minutes as the air became slightly acrid.
The forestry department brought a 4-wheeler because of the size of the land we were burning, and after we all regrouped another firefighter decided to drive along the outside edge to check on the piles we could not see. The rest of us waited for about ten minutes, and I began to worry that something may have gone wrong. I began to walk around the outside perimeter of the land to check on the other firefighter. As soon as I got to the end of the first pile, I decided I needed to get a better vantage point, so I walked through the fire break (dirt path) between the first and second piles toward the center of the property. I very quickly realized that because of the heat and the smoke and the fact that no one could see me and I did not have a radio, this was a horrible idea. I immediately and calmly began to return to the group. Instead of going back to the outside of the property, however, I walked between two more piles in the direction of the group. No one could see me, and no one knew exactly where I had gone.
After about ten or 20 seconds (I guess) of walking toward safety, the heat and smoke became unbearable and my reality instantly changed. Walking through that heat had drawn every ounce of energy from my body, and I was thoroughly exhausted. The first thought I had was "How in the world do I have absolutely no energy left?"
Then, a second thought locked in my mind; "I am too tired, this is too hot and I can't make it back. I am going to lay down right here right now and just die." I am not in any way exaggerating or dramatizing that. As mind-boggling as it is, that thought was the only thing that made sense. The heat was so intense that I did not care that I had about 20 more feet to walk to safety (I could actually hear the other firefighters' and forestry guys' voices), and I was ready - without any second thought - to lay down and die. I cannot express more plainly or seriously that as strange as it seems, my desire to live was completely gone. I stopped walking and began to bend my knees toward the ground.
As soon as I bent my right knee, I heard a new voice. It was the firefighter I had been looking for, and it came from the area we both started out from. That voice was like a shot of common sense and courage, and I stood back up and dragged myself up the hill those last 20 or so feet. It was the most difficult walk I have ever made. Every step felt like a mile, and the thirst I felt was the strongest I've experienced.
Everyone was there, safe and sound, myself included. I did not tell anyone what had happened moments before, and this is the first time I've shared this experience with anyone.
It is my prayer that relating my experience might be used to encourage and inspire, and that those who read this will find their own lessons...
*I give all the glory to God for saving me that day, and He is at the center of every lesson that came from this experience.
Sometimes the most mundane acts can trigger a memory, and suddenly I am right back in the midst of my past. It used to paralyze me; I would lock up for about five minutes or so, not really engaging in what I had been doing at the time the memory hit. Fortunately, that has subsided, and I have been able to take valuable lessons out of what I have experienced when I remember those things.
I share this story because it is full of lessons for me, and I hope it contains a lesson or two* for you. As for what those are, I might save that for another post and let you think about it for a while.
___________________________________________________
Last night (8.21.12) as I was walking through a parking lot it was the warm night air that sent me back to a sunny day several years ago that, without wanting to sound dramatic, was almost the last day I was alive.
Occasionally, the fire department assisted the forestry department with "controlled burns," which took place when land needed to be cleared without hauling loads and loads of timber away. Instead of hoses, we carried drip torches and shovels, and large bulldozers would create fire breaks and clearings to prevent the fire from spreading beyond the intended area.
One day, I joined a few other firefighters and a couple of forestry guys to burn trees that were in piles about 100'x100' and between 25' and 40' tall on about ten or 12 acres of land. This was the largest controlled burn I had been involved with. I don't recall the temperature, but it was hot and the sun was shining. We normally wore jeans, boots and t-shirts to stay as protected, but as cool as we could.
After we lit the piles, we watched to make sure they were burning evenly and fully. Fire sometimes creates it's own weather, and I watched as "tornados" of flame shot up and twirled around in the air, the wind picked up and frequently changed direction, and the sunlight became dull under a thickening blanket of white smoke. I pulled my shirt over my nose every couple of minutes as the air became slightly acrid.
The forestry department brought a 4-wheeler because of the size of the land we were burning, and after we all regrouped another firefighter decided to drive along the outside edge to check on the piles we could not see. The rest of us waited for about ten minutes, and I began to worry that something may have gone wrong. I began to walk around the outside perimeter of the land to check on the other firefighter. As soon as I got to the end of the first pile, I decided I needed to get a better vantage point, so I walked through the fire break (dirt path) between the first and second piles toward the center of the property. I very quickly realized that because of the heat and the smoke and the fact that no one could see me and I did not have a radio, this was a horrible idea. I immediately and calmly began to return to the group. Instead of going back to the outside of the property, however, I walked between two more piles in the direction of the group. No one could see me, and no one knew exactly where I had gone.
After about ten or 20 seconds (I guess) of walking toward safety, the heat and smoke became unbearable and my reality instantly changed. Walking through that heat had drawn every ounce of energy from my body, and I was thoroughly exhausted. The first thought I had was "How in the world do I have absolutely no energy left?"
Then, a second thought locked in my mind; "I am too tired, this is too hot and I can't make it back. I am going to lay down right here right now and just die." I am not in any way exaggerating or dramatizing that. As mind-boggling as it is, that thought was the only thing that made sense. The heat was so intense that I did not care that I had about 20 more feet to walk to safety (I could actually hear the other firefighters' and forestry guys' voices), and I was ready - without any second thought - to lay down and die. I cannot express more plainly or seriously that as strange as it seems, my desire to live was completely gone. I stopped walking and began to bend my knees toward the ground.
As soon as I bent my right knee, I heard a new voice. It was the firefighter I had been looking for, and it came from the area we both started out from. That voice was like a shot of common sense and courage, and I stood back up and dragged myself up the hill those last 20 or so feet. It was the most difficult walk I have ever made. Every step felt like a mile, and the thirst I felt was the strongest I've experienced.
Everyone was there, safe and sound, myself included. I did not tell anyone what had happened moments before, and this is the first time I've shared this experience with anyone.
It is my prayer that relating my experience might be used to encourage and inspire, and that those who read this will find their own lessons...
*I give all the glory to God for saving me that day, and He is at the center of every lesson that came from this experience.
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