Time is Money?

I keep thinking this is going to be over soon. In the midst of every complaint that comes to my mind, God makes me acutely aware that things could always be worse.

When I was in heretoday, we played a few shows with a band called Slingshot 57. These guys were genuine, excellent musicians and strong Christ followers. In fact, Paul, their bass player, is now in Run Kid Run. At one show, they had a table with about 20 little info cards with pictures of kids who needed help. I asked Paul what they were for, and he explained they had partnered with Mission of Mercy to sponsor children. I took a look at the cards and decided to sponsor a little girl in a different country (details omitted because this is the interwebs). I wasn't making much money at the time (sadly, I was making more then than I am right now), but I decided it was worth it to help someone out and maybe develop a relationship with someone so far away and in so much need. I'll explain why this is important to my situation in a bit.

During the past eight months, I have had to cling to God more tightly than ever before in my life for everything. When I was offered a job, I foolishly thought that would be the end of my troubles and that Katie and I would soon be returning to our comfortable lives with plenty to save, give and spend. The reality is that I am now working at home for 100% commission, and I have not earned a penny. I was working in the office for the first couple of months, but the environment was such that on Sunday afternoons I would begin to experience chest pains that intensified on Monday mornings, and did not subside until I was home in the afternoons. I spoke with the owner, who said I could work from home for commission, which to me is better than the alternative of not working at all or potentially having an MI while at the office.

It is a strange dynamic to be thankful to God for everything while fighting the temptation to be frightened out of my wits about how the next month's bills are going to be paid. I have tried to explain this to Katie... how I can be calm in the midst of all this. It is not easy, and it is certainly not easy for her. Right now, we believe Katie is being called to serve as much as she can with the church as opposed to working for a paycheck. This really does not make sense to a lot of people - especially given the circumstances. When I am faced with odd looks after this is discussed I am reminded of the rich young ruler. Jesus never told anyone who asked him what they should do to save their money, keep their belongings, accrue wealth, or buy a nice house. He said to sell it all, give the money to the poor and follow him. I am convicted of that almost daily when I wake up in my king size bed, walk into the living room to play games on my XBox which is hooked up to my 50" TV and 5.1 surround sound system; or work on videos, music, etc. on this iMac and am then tempted to pity myself. That girl in that other country lives in a house made of concrete blocks. I am ashamed to tell her what I do with my time. I am embarrassed at the relative wealth I have compared to the wage her father makes and struggles to support his family with. I never had the need to be sponsored as a child, and for that I am grateful.

On the other side of this, Katie and I have been involved with Barefoot Church here in North Myrtle Beach. I cannot explain how it is that we are in nearly identical positions with this church as we were at Stafford Crossing after being here for less than two months. When I am at Barefoot, I know I am doing what God has given me to do for now. It is the boat, and everything else is the storm. My job situation, finances, car, future, dreams... all of it feels like the wind that distracted Peter and caused him to doubt. I cannot take my focus from Jesus and place it on the wind. I can never do that because Jesus is the only one keeping me above water.

He is my only hope. I know I am alive right now and I am exactly where I am locationally, physically, spiritually and emotionally because God wants me here. Today, I was going through mail we've received and haven't been able to look at since the move. I found a letter from that little girl in that other country.

I was having a mini-freak out session internally at the time, and I started to read the letter. Next to what she had written in her vernacular were three translated words in the middle of the page: "I love you." I have never seen this girl in person, I have never been to where she is and I may never see her face to face. All I know is that God loves her the same as He loves me, and He is providing for both of us every day.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

On Videos and Everything Else

Recently I began to venture into the world of video creation using iMovie. It has been a great new creative outlet, as I often see pictures in my head of what I write about in songs, chords, and notes using my voice and the guitar or piano.

It has also been challenging as I have faced some limitations of the program against what my mind thinks should happen on the screen. This, of course, could actually be remedied by purchasing a much more powerful and more expensive program – but my lack of gainful employment at this time makes that kind of thing difficult to accomplish.

As with all things lately, this has been something inspired by my pursuit of what God wants me to do and His will for my life. I believe that may be the case (and should be for all of us) regarding everything I do for the remainder of my days on this earth. Every aspect of my activities, behavior, thought, speech and interactions with others should be an act of worship. It is amazing to realize God knew me before I was formed and He knows the number of hairs on my head. It is astounding to realize He allows us to worship Him in so many ways.

With all of this awe and amazement at God's wonder filling my head, it is difficult to condense information and ideas into a video that does not last more than three days... Learning to make videos is absolutely a blast and I fortunately have some friends who have vast experience I can turn to for advice and assistance. I am looking forward to seeing where this new aspect might lead and what God does through me and with me in this process.

God is active, and I have been blessed enough to notice and recall how active He is in my life during the recent weeks and months. I met with the associate pastor at my church the other day, and suddenly realized everything I mentioned was something I know God was orchestrating to further His will in my life, to further the advancement of His kingdom, and to teach me. I just have to be willing to keep walking forward when God says "Go."

I still do not know what I am supposed to “be when I grow up,” but I know who I am right now and who I will always be; a child of God, ransomed from the wages of sin and an eternity without Him. It is amazing that I have been given such amazing gifts and the desire to use them for the right reasons.

Hope

There is so much more I want to do. I am usually a one thing at a time, easy-going kind of guy, but lately I've had more ideas than I can keep track of crashing into each other in my brain. Sometimes I don't even know where to begin to try to collect and process them.

Since September 18, 2009, I have been unemployed. My former employer sold the part of the company I worked for and the office was closed. When that happened, I lost my job, as did 25 others – many of whom I had developed close working friendships with and many whom I still call close friends. It is a story for another blog, but at the same time my wife and I believed God was calling her to stop teaching and work in whatever ministry capacity possible with the church. The ending to that story as far as we are concerned right now is that we went from two incomes to a weekly unemployment benefit payment. God provided a place for us to live and store our property, and He has remained faithful since we moved out of downtown Fredericksburg. Our faith has grown immensely, as has our trust in God and resting in what He has done for us and will do. We have never wanted for our daily bread, not to mention so many more blessings we did not deserve.

Back to what I started this all about... I have been sensing a strong call to do more with the musical talents God has given me. As a result, I have begun to re-learn to read music, I am re-learning to play the piano, and I am beginning to experiment with composing soundtracks and work with film and music. I even started playing drums at church due to a sudden vacancy. I am also teaching guitar lessons, which has proved to be an amazing process. God is showing me that just because a career in a rock band didn't happen, I don't have to live a life without music in a very real way.

I have begun to receive inspiration to write more songs – not just about my personal experiences in a radio friendly, rock and roll kind of way, but to write about my experiences as a worshiper of the Almighty God. I am learning a new language of praise in songwriting (albeit slowly), and I am working towards a better understanding of God's word by studying it more and more.

With all of these new endeavors has come a fresh breath of air in regards to how I am living my life. I believe God created me to worship Him with all that is within me – all my heart, soul, and strength – and I am just now beginning to exercise what had been in danger of atrophy for years now.

I don't know where this new leg of the journey is leading, but I am excited because of Who I am following. Hope truly does spring eternal.

The Welcome Wagon

Sometimes simplicity is all that is required for a song to strike a powerful chord.

Deuteronomy 5: 7-8

Worship.

It comes in many forms and can have many recipients. God declared that we shall have no other gods before Him. However, every little thing we come in contact with on a daily basis vies for God's affection and the worship due Him. The Israelites built idols out of wood and gold. Today, we build idols out of jobs, houses, salaries, TVs, technological devices, and anything else we can get our minds around. Anything that distracts us from the one true God. Even processes involved with worship can become an idol.

This morning as I was heating up a lean pocket for breakfast, I was “inspired” to write a worship song. I was then immediately convicted that my motivation for writing a worship song was not, in fact, just to worship God and express my love and gratitude, but rather to come up with an amazing song to share with others. In my decision to do something for God, I was motivated by selfish ambition. An idol I face constantly.

As I sauntered down the stairs with my Lean Pocket and Diet Coke (breakfast of champions), I began to consider what chords I would use and what the topic of the song would be. I sat down with a guitar and began strumming; searching my mind for Godly topics, things that I could praise Him for... and then it struck me. I was right back into the mode of impressing others. God arrested my heart and reminded me that if I wanted to worship Him, I needed to stop focusing on the distractions of chords and people and the visions I had of churches everywhere singing “my song,” and instead focus on His goodness and love. I needed to remove from my mind the idea that anyone else might ever even hear the song.

Once I accepted God's correction, the words flowed, the melody and transitions became natural and fluid, and I could sense that I was truly worshiping God. It did not matter if anyone else ever heard the song. However, as soon as I finished I was again confronted with the temptation to put the song out there for “everyone” to hear and appreciate and love... but as I write these words I feel that I need to let the song sit for a while and just be between myself and God without any idols in the way.