Social Media is Wierd

In recent months, I've come to realize how strange social media can be (or more accurately, how strange my life has become). For instance, I was browsing Facebook this morning, saw a picture of a friend, went to the friend's profile and it occurred to me that s/he is now either separated or divorced. I approve friend requests from people I barely spoke with when I (vaguely recall) knew them in "real life". Then I completely ignore their posts, etc. because I have no idea who they are.

I now feel the urge to wish a happy birthday to people I don't know personally - thanks to the convenience of typing two little words (with the most exciting bit of punctuation my little heart desires added at the end to impart of sense of heartfelt warmth the cold depths of the Internet so often sucks away from communication) into a box on the right hand corner of my screen.

I wake up and instantly look at my phone to browse TweetDeck for nuggets of excitement - usually lacking - and then realize with deep-seated conviction that I haven't read my "analog" bible in weeks. I read YouVersion's awesome bible app, but there is something about reading God's word in something bound in leather that makes a difference for me.

Social Media (wow, I just capitalized it) has it's place in society and is a very useful method of communication, but I feel it is in danger of one day becoming an almost laughable platform for self-advertisement... And then there are the news agencies - I don't even want to begin to discuss the way I've seen them place stock in what John and Jane Doe tweet or post to Facebook and how utterly disappointing that is.

Well, it's been at least five minutes since I've been on Facebook and it appears I have five new notifications, so I better wrap this up.

Necessary Illness

I have been ill for the past five days. Nothing really definitive - just a general feeling of congestion, inability to focus, weakness and a sore throat. The thing is, being sick has become exhausting. I was exhausted while sick, and now I am exhausted because I was sick (if that makes any sense).

I have quickly learned that what I do is the most time-intensive thing I have ever engaged in. For a while, it took a long time to make videos because I was learning how to make the software work (not to mention the lingo, techniques, processes). Now, it takes a long time because I am a perfectionist and the stunning, astonishingly creative images and sequences I see in my head and my dreams never seem to make it into my work (try as they might).

I would love to have the plight of the Amish - who intentionally include slight errors in their furniture-making to remind themselves that only God is perfect... Currently, I have all the errors with none of the intentionality. I suppose that is because God knows me better than I know myself. And then there is the issue of trying too hard. I am a proficient guitar player - but I've been playing the guitar since I was eight years old. I too often compare my editing, motion design, and compositing abilities to my musicianship - and it leads to nothing but frustration. Not the "I'm never going to be good enough" frustration; rather the fleeting "I should know how to do this without having to try ten different methods" type... Playing the guitar is comfortable now - almost second-nature, but I recall a moment in time (three or four days after learning to strum my first chord) when I decided that I was never going to pick up a guitar again.

Now, I began this post with the idea that I got sick because I was working too hard and too many hours - and intended to tout the positive aspects of rest and recovery; which I still believe is the case. However, it seems the point of all this has become an encouragement of sorts - that although I've been staring at After Effects for the past hour with no ideas coming to mind, I'll eventually get it.

So, if you are reading this and have been working and working and working at something for hours, days, weeks, or even years without seeing any results - be encouraged and embrace the process.

And if I Never Know You, Let Me Feel the Lack

This weekend, Katie and I traveled to VA Beach to be a part of the wedding of two close friends. We've known this couple for around 8 years now, and their wedding was awesome. We were truly humbled and honored to be asked to be involved. The story of their relationship is worth a lengthy blog, itself, but that's not my story to tell. Trust me, though - it's amazing.

On the drive home - or at least to the hotel in Roanoke Rapids, it started to hit me - that slight knot in my gut. I couldn't put my finger on it right away, but after driving another hour, and singing along to a few more songs on the 80's XM station (specifically Cyndi Lauper and Belinda Carlisle) contributing to my nostalgia, I realized I miss my friends (It didn't help that we drove through a tornado, either). Now, you may wonder why I say it that way - and I will explain. I love all my friends, but I realized on the way to North Myrtle Beach that subconsciously, I assume everyone else freezes in time after I stop interacting with them on a daily or weekly basis, and nothing changes - with the exception of the exciting things I happen to do afterwards. This is obviously foolish and short-sighted of me, but I imagine it is a protective mechanism I've developed some time ago after moving a few times as a kid.

Anyway, this weekend was wrapped up in so many emotions I cannot begin to summarize everything it brought on for me. As with most events like this, the time was too short, and there was much left unsaid by me to those I wanted to reconnect with - I wanted it to feel "like old times," but we've gotten older - most of us have gotten married, moved, changed careers, had kids, and are living in different states.

I think I've spent too much of my life trying not to feel anything that I am fighting regret and guilt for omissions - times when I could have done more, said more, or just been there for my friends... I spoke with an older gentlemen after the reception who told me how much he enjoyed knowing me and Katie, and that most of his friends were either dead or suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's... He said, "At my age, this might be the last time I see you." It was then that I was reminded yet again that though God leads us in different directions, we are all capable of loving regardless of geography and all that stuff that we allow to distract us - and time waits for no one.

As I move into new phases of my life and continue to make new, close friends, I am adding a priority - to hold onto my relationships as tightly as I can no matter what.

I wrote a song a loooong time ago that had this line in it: "And if I never know you, let me feel the lack." I had no idea what I meant by that when I wrote it - it just sounded cool, but I think it is appropriate to this situation.

With that said, I love all of my friends and I always will, no matter what distance or time finds itself between us. Also, don't hate on Cyndi or Belinda.