This afternoon I was discussing a passage of scripture with my wife, and how it may relate to our current living/ministry/employment situation. While listening to her read, I had a realization that something in my thought process about what God has planned for me (and anyone else who calls Him "Father") has been skewed.
There is a message I have heard preached, promoted and studied over the last few years that until recently I wasn't sure how I felt about (other than the fact that it hasn't ever sounded right). The basis of the message is this:
1. God loves you.
2. God wants to do great things in and through you.
3. You have to "do your part" and work hard for this to happen, or else you will fail God and will not achieve your "God [given] potential" or the "greatness" He has in store for you.
It is not a complicated solution. God does want to bless His children and use us for His good. We were created to worship Him, and we have been commissioned to spread the message of His love and salvation to the ends of the Earth.
Here's the first thing about why the above message is flawed; the entirety of our God-given potential must fit within the context of the Great Commission, and it must be an act of worship. The second is that God's definition of "greatness" does not match our (often American dream-flavored "you can do anything if you can imagine it") definition. The third is that God's love is unconditional, meaning there are no strings attached.
God has given us free will and He has given us grace, both of which play integral parts in our lives as believers. We are able to choose whether or not to believe He loves us, sent His son to die and be resurrected as a sacrifice for our sins and to reconcile us to Him, and whether we want to follow Him or live our own lives apart from His influence. In fact, we are free to deny His existence altogether. That is free will.
Grace is most commonly defined as "unmerited [undeserved, unearned] favor." This means that there is nothing we can do as God's children to either increase or decrease His love for us, or His desire to bless and provide for us. This means that no matter how much we serve, how much we go to church, how much we sing, dance, write, preach, share, sin, repent, etc. we cannot change God's love for us. He gives it unconditionally, and since He promises to forgive the sins of those He calls sons and daughters, those can't be held against us, either.
Now, don't hear me say grace is a "get out of jail free card" (see Romans 6:1-4), either.
So, here is the thing. Over the past few weeks, I have been beating myself up about not doing enough to please God. I secretly think to myself "I am a pretty big disappointment to God right now. I'm not reading enough, praying enough or serving enough, and I keep sinning. I have to be sure to do more of those good things tomorrow and less sinning. Then God will be happy with me again and He will start blessing me again."
That is not how it works. So for all of those who have struggled with living up to a standard no human can achieve under his or her own effort, remember this verse:
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Monday, September 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My "Almost" Last Day
If you have read some of my previous posts, you know that in what feels like another life, I was a firefighter. I have a love/hate relationship with that part of my past; a lot of good came from that time, and a lot of pain came from that time.
Sometimes the most mundane acts can trigger a memory, and suddenly I am right back in the midst of my past. It used to paralyze me; I would lock up for about five minutes or so, not really engaging in what I had been doing at the time the memory hit. Fortunately, that has subsided, and I have been able to take valuable lessons out of what I have experienced when I remember those things.
I share this story because it is full of lessons for me, and I hope it contains a lesson or two* for you. As for what those are, I might save that for another post and let you think about it for a while.
___________________________________________________
Last night (8.21.12) as I was walking through a parking lot it was the warm night air that sent me back to a sunny day several years ago that, without wanting to sound dramatic, was almost the last day I was alive.
Occasionally, the fire department assisted the forestry department with "controlled burns," which took place when land needed to be cleared without hauling loads and loads of timber away. Instead of hoses, we carried drip torches and shovels, and large bulldozers would create fire breaks and clearings to prevent the fire from spreading beyond the intended area.
One day, I joined a few other firefighters and a couple of forestry guys to burn trees that were in piles about 100'x100' and between 25' and 40' tall on about ten or 12 acres of land. This was the largest controlled burn I had been involved with. I don't recall the temperature, but it was hot and the sun was shining. We normally wore jeans, boots and t-shirts to stay as protected, but as cool as we could.
After we lit the piles, we watched to make sure they were burning evenly and fully. Fire sometimes creates it's own weather, and I watched as "tornados" of flame shot up and twirled around in the air, the wind picked up and frequently changed direction, and the sunlight became dull under a thickening blanket of white smoke. I pulled my shirt over my nose every couple of minutes as the air became slightly acrid.
The forestry department brought a 4-wheeler because of the size of the land we were burning, and after we all regrouped another firefighter decided to drive along the outside edge to check on the piles we could not see. The rest of us waited for about ten minutes, and I began to worry that something may have gone wrong. I began to walk around the outside perimeter of the land to check on the other firefighter. As soon as I got to the end of the first pile, I decided I needed to get a better vantage point, so I walked through the fire break (dirt path) between the first and second piles toward the center of the property. I very quickly realized that because of the heat and the smoke and the fact that no one could see me and I did not have a radio, this was a horrible idea. I immediately and calmly began to return to the group. Instead of going back to the outside of the property, however, I walked between two more piles in the direction of the group. No one could see me, and no one knew exactly where I had gone.
After about ten or 20 seconds (I guess) of walking toward safety, the heat and smoke became unbearable and my reality instantly changed. Walking through that heat had drawn every ounce of energy from my body, and I was thoroughly exhausted. The first thought I had was "How in the world do I have absolutely no energy left?"
Then, a second thought locked in my mind; "I am too tired, this is too hot and I can't make it back. I am going to lay down right here right now and just die." I am not in any way exaggerating or dramatizing that. As mind-boggling as it is, that thought was the only thing that made sense. The heat was so intense that I did not care that I had about 20 more feet to walk to safety (I could actually hear the other firefighters' and forestry guys' voices), and I was ready - without any second thought - to lay down and die. I cannot express more plainly or seriously that as strange as it seems, my desire to live was completely gone. I stopped walking and began to bend my knees toward the ground.
As soon as I bent my right knee, I heard a new voice. It was the firefighter I had been looking for, and it came from the area we both started out from. That voice was like a shot of common sense and courage, and I stood back up and dragged myself up the hill those last 20 or so feet. It was the most difficult walk I have ever made. Every step felt like a mile, and the thirst I felt was the strongest I've experienced.
Everyone was there, safe and sound, myself included. I did not tell anyone what had happened moments before, and this is the first time I've shared this experience with anyone.
It is my prayer that relating my experience might be used to encourage and inspire, and that those who read this will find their own lessons...
*I give all the glory to God for saving me that day, and He is at the center of every lesson that came from this experience.
Sometimes the most mundane acts can trigger a memory, and suddenly I am right back in the midst of my past. It used to paralyze me; I would lock up for about five minutes or so, not really engaging in what I had been doing at the time the memory hit. Fortunately, that has subsided, and I have been able to take valuable lessons out of what I have experienced when I remember those things.
I share this story because it is full of lessons for me, and I hope it contains a lesson or two* for you. As for what those are, I might save that for another post and let you think about it for a while.
___________________________________________________
Last night (8.21.12) as I was walking through a parking lot it was the warm night air that sent me back to a sunny day several years ago that, without wanting to sound dramatic, was almost the last day I was alive.
Occasionally, the fire department assisted the forestry department with "controlled burns," which took place when land needed to be cleared without hauling loads and loads of timber away. Instead of hoses, we carried drip torches and shovels, and large bulldozers would create fire breaks and clearings to prevent the fire from spreading beyond the intended area.
One day, I joined a few other firefighters and a couple of forestry guys to burn trees that were in piles about 100'x100' and between 25' and 40' tall on about ten or 12 acres of land. This was the largest controlled burn I had been involved with. I don't recall the temperature, but it was hot and the sun was shining. We normally wore jeans, boots and t-shirts to stay as protected, but as cool as we could.
After we lit the piles, we watched to make sure they were burning evenly and fully. Fire sometimes creates it's own weather, and I watched as "tornados" of flame shot up and twirled around in the air, the wind picked up and frequently changed direction, and the sunlight became dull under a thickening blanket of white smoke. I pulled my shirt over my nose every couple of minutes as the air became slightly acrid.
The forestry department brought a 4-wheeler because of the size of the land we were burning, and after we all regrouped another firefighter decided to drive along the outside edge to check on the piles we could not see. The rest of us waited for about ten minutes, and I began to worry that something may have gone wrong. I began to walk around the outside perimeter of the land to check on the other firefighter. As soon as I got to the end of the first pile, I decided I needed to get a better vantage point, so I walked through the fire break (dirt path) between the first and second piles toward the center of the property. I very quickly realized that because of the heat and the smoke and the fact that no one could see me and I did not have a radio, this was a horrible idea. I immediately and calmly began to return to the group. Instead of going back to the outside of the property, however, I walked between two more piles in the direction of the group. No one could see me, and no one knew exactly where I had gone.
After about ten or 20 seconds (I guess) of walking toward safety, the heat and smoke became unbearable and my reality instantly changed. Walking through that heat had drawn every ounce of energy from my body, and I was thoroughly exhausted. The first thought I had was "How in the world do I have absolutely no energy left?"
Then, a second thought locked in my mind; "I am too tired, this is too hot and I can't make it back. I am going to lay down right here right now and just die." I am not in any way exaggerating or dramatizing that. As mind-boggling as it is, that thought was the only thing that made sense. The heat was so intense that I did not care that I had about 20 more feet to walk to safety (I could actually hear the other firefighters' and forestry guys' voices), and I was ready - without any second thought - to lay down and die. I cannot express more plainly or seriously that as strange as it seems, my desire to live was completely gone. I stopped walking and began to bend my knees toward the ground.
As soon as I bent my right knee, I heard a new voice. It was the firefighter I had been looking for, and it came from the area we both started out from. That voice was like a shot of common sense and courage, and I stood back up and dragged myself up the hill those last 20 or so feet. It was the most difficult walk I have ever made. Every step felt like a mile, and the thirst I felt was the strongest I've experienced.
Everyone was there, safe and sound, myself included. I did not tell anyone what had happened moments before, and this is the first time I've shared this experience with anyone.
It is my prayer that relating my experience might be used to encourage and inspire, and that those who read this will find their own lessons...
*I give all the glory to God for saving me that day, and He is at the center of every lesson that came from this experience.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Anti-Rant
"Venting," despite popular opinion, is never okay. This fact is quite disappointing to me on a regular basis. We all know the examples; traffic, arguments, injustice, no hot water for the shower, and the list goes on.
The way God convicts me of sin at the outset of temptation amazes me. It also encourages me because it is clear evidence of God's restoring work in my life.
Honestly, when I began to write this post, I wanted to vent. I wanted to tell everyone in an indirect way about how I feel I've been wronged. I wanted to subtly point out the error in someone else's ways. What I really wanted to do, though, is point at a speck in someone else's eye rather than acknowledging the plank in my own. I was immediately convicted. Instead of following through with typing out a scathing, satirical list of what I don't like about x, y and z, I did something completely unusual. I prayed that I would stop being so selfish and God would enable me to constantly understand that none of what I do or experience is about me, but that it is about God's Kingdom and the lost who need to come through its gates.
The way God convicts me of sin at the outset of temptation amazes me. It also encourages me because it is clear evidence of God's restoring work in my life.
If I think "life isn't fair" because I have to sit in traffic for three hours (not anymore since I left the DC area) or if I feel used, beat up or hurt by a friend, coworker or family member, God reminds me that there are people in underground churches across this world that would give anything to sit in traffic in the United States - while they are driving to church, which meets in a building everyone can find, the government knows about, and no one gets killed in.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Reminders
When things are going well it is too easy to forget about all the challenges I have experienced and the way God has been faithful to carry me through them.
My faith has been strengthened beyond my imagination over the past two years, but if I neglect that faith and fail to nurture it I am no better off than I was two years ago. When God removes distractions (which for me included my previous job, environment, and way of thinking and living), you can't help but put every ounce of trust in Him or deny His sovereignty. There is an investment that takes place when you truly rely on God for your daily bread. His word becomes that much more vibrant and real, almost three dimensional.
I do my very best to keep a healthy, humble perspective on where I am in my walk with Christ and how I relate with others. Lately, I have not done the best job of maintaining that perspective, and it has played out in several instances over the past couple of weeks. The subtlety of sin and pride is quite dangerous and costly. I need to remember God's faithfulness, trustworthiness and His promises to combat my selfishness, sometimes by the minute. Jesus' example - a completely blameless man being punished for my sin - should shake us all to the core. He is the only one who could have taken that on - not only because He is God's son, but because no other man in history would stay silent in that situation. No other man would have the fortitude to completely disregard their sense of injustice for the good of another. Jesus did that and much more than I will ever understand.
I often tell people I love my job, what I get to do and where I get to work and serve, but I rarely say why. Yes, it is because I have a passion for creative work, but it goes far deeper than that. What I do reminds me of an answered prayer that I began to pray years ago. "God, use me to reach those far from you."
My motivation to do everything I do is and must remain that of helping people see how God has changed my life radically for His good and glory - and to serve as a beacon of hope and a reminder to those far away from Him that God will never give up on reaching them. The fact that I am able to do that through creating videos and leading worship far outweighs any material reward. I pray that one day my life will serve as a reminder to someone that God is everything they need.
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