Life feels out of control most of the time - at least to me. I try to find ways to fool myself into believing I am in control of at least most of it, but that only lasts for a while. Sometimes I try to ignore the fact that I really am not in control of my life (not to be confused with my behavior, actions, thoughts or feelings), but that does not last long at all.
No matter what, I always come back to the truth that a loving Heavenly Father who is waiting for me to come rest in His arms and let Him be in complete control.
In the hustle and bustle of American culture, rest is both undervalued (at times even scorned as laziness) and in great lack. I must admit, I have made myself a victim of this American restlessness. While I can focus on the same three seconds of video for hours at a time, I don't like not having something to do. I get antsy; start to feel lazy and bored; look for something to do - even if I've done the same thing (a favorite is mindlessly looking at my phone) ten times in 30 seconds. I have always thought of this as a result of a strong work ethic and a drive to be successful, productive and an effective contributor to society. And the heart of the issue is that all too often, I tie my worth as a human being to all of those things.
What I have learned is that while a good, strong work ethic is important - restlessness is not a symptom. It is actually a symptom of my desire to control my life, my world and my experiences. I feel like I need to make things happen, or they'll never happen. The earth will stop spinning and lives will be ruined.
What God has reminded me in His still small voice tonight is that I have never been and will never be in control. I am His child and He's paid all the bills, put all the laundry where it belongs, edited all of the videos, written and sung all the songs, posted all the blogs, and loved all of my friends and family perfectly before I had a chance to second-guess myself for the very first time.
There is a line in a song by a band I admire and enjoy that says
"I have a hard time remembering all the things I'm supposed to remember, and a hard time forgetting all the things I'm supposed to forget."
Too many times, I've been that man. Remembering and forgetting in reverse order. Tonight, God reminded me in a whisper that He is in control and I can rest in the finished work of the Cross and the fact that He will always help me remember.
