Hope

There is so much more I want to do. I am usually a one thing at a time, easy-going kind of guy, but lately I've had more ideas than I can keep track of crashing into each other in my brain. Sometimes I don't even know where to begin to try to collect and process them.

Since September 18, 2009, I have been unemployed. My former employer sold the part of the company I worked for and the office was closed. When that happened, I lost my job, as did 25 others – many of whom I had developed close working friendships with and many whom I still call close friends. It is a story for another blog, but at the same time my wife and I believed God was calling her to stop teaching and work in whatever ministry capacity possible with the church. The ending to that story as far as we are concerned right now is that we went from two incomes to a weekly unemployment benefit payment. God provided a place for us to live and store our property, and He has remained faithful since we moved out of downtown Fredericksburg. Our faith has grown immensely, as has our trust in God and resting in what He has done for us and will do. We have never wanted for our daily bread, not to mention so many more blessings we did not deserve.

Back to what I started this all about... I have been sensing a strong call to do more with the musical talents God has given me. As a result, I have begun to re-learn to read music, I am re-learning to play the piano, and I am beginning to experiment with composing soundtracks and work with film and music. I even started playing drums at church due to a sudden vacancy. I am also teaching guitar lessons, which has proved to be an amazing process. God is showing me that just because a career in a rock band didn't happen, I don't have to live a life without music in a very real way.

I have begun to receive inspiration to write more songs – not just about my personal experiences in a radio friendly, rock and roll kind of way, but to write about my experiences as a worshiper of the Almighty God. I am learning a new language of praise in songwriting (albeit slowly), and I am working towards a better understanding of God's word by studying it more and more.

With all of these new endeavors has come a fresh breath of air in regards to how I am living my life. I believe God created me to worship Him with all that is within me – all my heart, soul, and strength – and I am just now beginning to exercise what had been in danger of atrophy for years now.

I don't know where this new leg of the journey is leading, but I am excited because of Who I am following. Hope truly does spring eternal.

The Welcome Wagon

Sometimes simplicity is all that is required for a song to strike a powerful chord.

Deuteronomy 5: 7-8

Worship.

It comes in many forms and can have many recipients. God declared that we shall have no other gods before Him. However, every little thing we come in contact with on a daily basis vies for God's affection and the worship due Him. The Israelites built idols out of wood and gold. Today, we build idols out of jobs, houses, salaries, TVs, technological devices, and anything else we can get our minds around. Anything that distracts us from the one true God. Even processes involved with worship can become an idol.

This morning as I was heating up a lean pocket for breakfast, I was “inspired” to write a worship song. I was then immediately convicted that my motivation for writing a worship song was not, in fact, just to worship God and express my love and gratitude, but rather to come up with an amazing song to share with others. In my decision to do something for God, I was motivated by selfish ambition. An idol I face constantly.

As I sauntered down the stairs with my Lean Pocket and Diet Coke (breakfast of champions), I began to consider what chords I would use and what the topic of the song would be. I sat down with a guitar and began strumming; searching my mind for Godly topics, things that I could praise Him for... and then it struck me. I was right back into the mode of impressing others. God arrested my heart and reminded me that if I wanted to worship Him, I needed to stop focusing on the distractions of chords and people and the visions I had of churches everywhere singing “my song,” and instead focus on His goodness and love. I needed to remove from my mind the idea that anyone else might ever even hear the song.

Once I accepted God's correction, the words flowed, the melody and transitions became natural and fluid, and I could sense that I was truly worshiping God. It did not matter if anyone else ever heard the song. However, as soon as I finished I was again confronted with the temptation to put the song out there for “everyone” to hear and appreciate and love... but as I write these words I feel that I need to let the song sit for a while and just be between myself and God without any idols in the way.